Break ups

I suppose there was already an inkling of how things were going to turn out this weekend from the most recent viral media posts of one famous lawyer showing signs of “fragility” in the face of confounded tangled microphones in front of him.

“Any questions…?” The baritone was unmistakable, impressive for someone who is trying to make point. Unfortunately, the mike fell down and broke his frown, then his “Jill” came tumbling after.. hahaha.. whatever.. that movie clip was not only funny, it was fun and no pun intended 🙂

I’m not gender biased, I am the last person in this world who has very clear definitions of biases. I always go with the Indian (you know, the indian saying that you can never judge a person if you haven’t walk a mile in his own shoes.)

For me third genders are the most fun to be with. They have this totally different fun form of worldview. With most of the ridicule and disparagement they experience because of their affectations, unnoticed by us heterosexuals, they have the clear advantage of having the experiences and thought processes, as well and the physiological make up of both sexes. They can:

  1. outrun us but still look like a doll (elma m_ _ _os)
  2. outshine us(sample for this one are hands down everywhere
  3. out talk us (the buzz),
  4. out joke us(porke ba me bag estudyante na, di ba pedeng si Dora lng muna…)
  5. out stage us in the competition (have you seen Jon lapuz’s partner?!!… duh! rich guy even bought him an architectural masterpiece of a home.. badtrip! bat sha me ganun!!! inggit meee bat ako wla!!)

Anyways, again, again, again… I go back to the inkling of how things were expected to turn out the way it was this weekend. I guess since its already out in the open and colored opinions are already flying both expressed and unexpressed, I’m cashing in my two cents worth.

The PM (pretending macho) and the beautiful as well as famous daughter of a well connected family (VBD) are now in the the spotlight. VBD is bitter and was short of confirming the long past rumored sexual tendency of his now ex PM boyfriend. Grief will almost always follow breakups, and I suppose theirs was a clearly grievous one, and I guess, this was more hurtful for VBD probably, because either, the realization that this relationship was definitely never going anywhere except for sensibilities and sensitivities or, she just plainly hated herself because she knew that she “knew” all along but was still foolish enough to believe otherwise. She was a commercial model, how would she have known that his sensitiveness was just a ploy to get to the bottom of her beauty secrets. 🙂

No one wants to experience uncoupling. This pain is one of the major forces of God’s equalizer. It does not choose by class or gender. It is one of the most hurtful life lessons we all have experienced one way or another. I do not wish the pain on anybody, but if you need to experience growth and self awareness, I would suggest you go thru one 🙂

Looking thru pages of how relationship breakups work, I can’t help but place into these theories what have just been played in public. I suppose, even if theirs was an odd man out in their form of relationship, the stages of break-up still applies.

Steve Duck outlines a six-stage cycle of relationship breakup,

  • Dissatisfaction with relationship
  • social withdrawal
  • Discussion of discontents
  • Going public
  • Tidying up the memories
  • Recreating sense of one’s own social value;

more interesting is how sociologist Diane Vaughan proposed an “uncoupling theory” whereby there exists a “turning point” in the dynamics of relationship breakup – ‘a precise moment when they “knew the relationship was over”, when “everything went dead inside”‘ – followed by a transition period in which one partner unconsciously knows the relationship is going to end, but holds on to it for an extended period, even for years. (Wikipedia- Relationships link)

It’s easy to place in perspective our hurts. Write it in a way that seems to explain everything, and tells us in a rational way how we are suppose to feel and what are we suppose to do. Social creatures that we are, we really never do as expected of us, and we never really go with the suppositions . The term “dissatisfaction with relationship” can never capsulize the experience we go thru, and the clear physical pain that can really be felt from an emotional hurt.

Nah… break ups are never easy. They drag us to depths of depression and we all look up trying to see if there would be any hint of light at the end of the tunnel. But you see, these same measurement of pain, is also a journey of self discovery. This is one of the burnings in life we need to go thru to see how much stuff are we really made of. Its forming something on your own again when there used to be a single life with two persons walking on the same road looking at a future together.

I’ve seen dozens of separated couples and single parents, you can almost read the letters on their forehead “COPING” Emotional scars are left and more felt if one is sensitive enough to be aware of the persons inner grief, whether it was just hours, days, weeks or fifteen years ago. Sometimes, its not all about the grief from the uncoupling anymore, its about the capacity of forgiving yourself and making it whole, because you’ve lost your sense of self in the process of coupling. Its not only the hurt of the break up, but picking up the pieces and putting it back together, this time only you in the image and starting all over again.

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