on juggling life and finances…

Finance district

Finance district (Photo credit: Jo@net)

Its never easy being a single mother, but then again, whoever said everything in life is easy.

I just settled a phone bill that’s almost 2 months overdue so I can have internet connection. I’ve reviewed my notes on my finances, – “should pay now (as in now), should pay up until the 15th, should pay by the 21st, the 30th…. etc etc.. ” dues that whenever I look at the shelf where my bills are stacked, they seem to be ringing bells that only I can hear.

Some freakishly louder than the others, my phone bills are like wailing sirens of ambulances, the credit cards horns like police cars and my insurance policies don’t actually ring, they have a tendency to offend your sense of smell much like dead fish, which graphically reminds you of what you are going to be if you can’t settle them at the soonest possible time.

I do surprise me on how and where do I gather the extra income on settling my bills and other personal loans. Believe me, I’m a standing affirmation of believing in miracles. I sometimes really wonder on how I get things done.Sometimes I also think I’m pushing my luck because I know, from what little I do know, is that I am already operating on a deficit income, and yet I am still here, standing alive and kicking.

I’ve stumbled on a yoga article which say’s “Beating yourself up about finances is self-defeating. It undermines your belief in your ability to change your circumstances or achieve your goals. Compassionate self-talk, however, has the opposite effect. It acts like a gentle but steady tailwind along the path of your set intention,..“.

yes, I know, I know I’m not that investment wizard on financial planning and everything. Don’t we all envy those people who can always seem to make money out of nothing but air and their Midas touch  makes us all a slave to their master manipulations.

Imagine they can make us want a 1k priced body lotion when 200 peso ones are easily available and much more affordable. But nooo… you gotta have the more expensive one because it really smells so fine, or we want that latest gadget just for the sake of bragging rights. Vanities and egos are the fires that are fed by mass advertising and mindless consumerisms.

Yes… guys, we do not have to beat ourselves up. No one is going to notice that you cant balance your budget too well except your lenders and of course your children. Oftentimes we all make sacrifices. When there’s no one else except you to manage everything else in your life, you get creative.

Beating yourself up on what is not there will simply bring you nowhere. It only adds up to the burden of having to find ways on trying to manage. If you’ve ever been into Hunger Games, it shows us all how each and everyone of us, in the face of challenge, in the question of survival, we not only get creative, we adapt, and those who don’t, hears the wailing sirens of ambulance in their own heads, you get a choice, you adapt, you spin them around or you die. Pretty drastic but that sums it all up. One of the most basic lessons of life and evolution.

So that brings me back to life choices and decisions. I have often ask myself on a brink of a “life transforming decisions” 🙂  , such as buying a book or buying that beautiful blouse.

The book, because I want to know what fares Westeros,that region in my world which requires to be at peace whether it be in the hands of men or fire breathing dragons, and the blouse because I love its fit and I want it to  increase my meager wardrobe.

I really do need a blouse to wear to office. All of my “corporate attires” are now becoming replays I just know my friends can already predict what I’m going to wear the next Friday.

Guess what I chose… I bought the book. Its how you look at things, I guess, for me the book transforms me, whereas the blouse would just let me ride another Friday.  Now you know why my finances are all in shambles.

Don’t get me wrong. I do not sacrifice the basic necessities of living for my book or blouse. Of course food, clothing, education and shelter (OMG… I knew I should have chosen the blouse) are on the top scale of priorities.

Management of finances are not for the fainthearted, management of household and discipline of teenagers are never for the weak willed women, living your dream of a life are not easily attained unless we all know how to temper ourselves and those around us just so we can manage to live this life without getting to the point of having to kill someone just to make it to another day.

So far I haven’t killed any of my children yet for the sake of budget efficiency, or have joined any reality shows just to earn extra income. Someone up there still hears my prayers, I get to do what transforms me as a person and still play my role as a mother and provider to my children in the most creative ways I know. 🙂

Goodness… I need to finish Hunger Games, books are better read than watched, its budget wise efficient. 🙂

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