Were you ever one of those kids where you had those kind of memories clearly imbedded in your head you could paint it? like those when you were in school and math was the next period and you just happen to know that its going to be board work. It’s one of those occasions where the teacher will call your name to solve an equation right there in front of class, write the answer on the board! goodness… every single time I’d just stare at the board until my teacher would just tell me to sit down. Sometimes I know and sometimes I really don’t know the answer but every time I was called to the board, I’d freeze up. I never liked being in front of people much less letting them know what little I know. I hate that teacher.
So, as early as 8 yrs old, one of those earliest childhood memories that seem to imprint on my head, I learned to fake sickness. I’d suddenly have a stomach ache, headache, toothache… all kinds of ache just so I could have an excuse to go to the clinic for the whole math period.
If that doesn’t work, I’d freeze myself up and refuse to move, making myself like a statue just sitting there and looking straight ahead. My eyes wouldn’t move and I would not even answer back when being asked why. I really made it look like I was a zombie in the movies, making my seatmate a little nervous and my hated teacher a bit panicky. Really I wouldn’t move, until they’d call home and have me picked up either by my mom or someone who was at home, oftentimes the Yaya. If the teacher told me they’d need to take me to the clinic, still I wouldn’t move, I have to make it look real right? besides she should have listened when I was still on the aches stage 1, the freezing was the ultimate escape of last resort, it was the full house in the deck of cards and that the only option was going home.
Looking back now, no wonder I had few friends at school, they must have thought I was a looney 🙂 With the kind of horror stories kids were telling back then, they must have thought I was a classic case of devil possession, that what I needed was a priest for exorcism and not the Yaya. hahaha… that was sweet 🙂
I learned early on that people do fake sicknesses. I only stopped doing that when the Yaya told me there were evil spirits in the air and that if they had heard your inner wish they would actually take over your body and stay there and make the statue event a permanent thing. You wouldn’t want to be in a seated position for the rest of your life, rigid and frozen even if there weren’t any chairs to rest your butt on, and somehow I couldn’t imagine myself in a Yoga pose until eternity. I was still small, mousy even, kids don’t look like Yogis or Buddha’s, it would be a more fitting image for the daddy’s what with their beer bellies and everything. Heck! it was really stupid looking if you were in a seated position frozen, staring up front without a chair beneath you, now that would really make you a loser. So I stopped doing the freezing as the escape of last resort, returned to the aches and pains stages 1 to 100 (depends really 🙂 ) afraid of the evil spirits in the air that may take my affectations seriously.
By the time I got home, the Yaya would snort “akala ko ba may sakit ka?” (I thought you were sick?) to which I would answer gleefully that all of it was a serious case of bowel movement, that all I needed was to let it out, not at school but at home where it would be most comfortable. Let the fart out with so much triumph including the different mass particles that would have been radioactive if my classmates smelled it at school, announce I’ve been to the john and I’m ok now, run off to the nearest duhat tree, climb all the way up and play pirates in my head.
Fast forward to the present, grown up and everything, with the eight to five job, there would be occasions that you’d want to just not move in the morning. Specially when the only reason of waking up early was to beat the rush hour traffic and somehow, you know deep inside of you, the longer you stayed in bed, the more late you would become and the heavier the build up of traffic would be waiting for you.
So you invent excuses in your head and try to make it believable. Pick one:
- splitting headache= migraine
- dysmenorrhea= monthly women sickness, the foundation of women logic 🙂
- stomach ache, high blood, anemia, fever, cough… cancer… cysts… Hodgkins disease (too much Dr House I’m afraid)
- you’re having a near death experience and you need time out to write your will
- all of the above…
Why’d you have to present that report today of all days when your blood isin’t running in the normal direction. Because you have to and its part of earning your keep. The money is for the kids, the house, the bills, the car loan and the difference between starvation and decency. Need you say more? My boss wouldn’t believe me if I froze at the office right? I wish I could just stay in bed but still earn my keep, but I suppose I’m not that lucky. Not all of us get to be millionaire heiresses who could just sleep all day and still get to eat caviar at dinner. Us mere mortals can play sick only at the start, but never for long because it eventually becomes real. You have to do something or you don’t eat the next morning or at least something like that.
We all give up something to live one day at a time, our innocence, our skill, our time, our treasures, our love, but its the game we need to play in exchange for something we want to have in return. Maybe its the financial freedom, or the quality time with the kids, or the step up the corporate ladder or the one true love which makes us all mushy inside nothing else comes close second. Whatever it maybe, playing sick is just a form of excuse to make realities of life wait.
I thought everything can wait until I get better, it was my escape. I didn’t want to give up anything yet, I did not want to choose or decide or just physically move. I just don’t want to do it now and what better excuse of postponing the inevitable than just by being sick. Pretending to be one, hoping you don’t become one. The world will understand, won’t she? She wouldn’t know better if everything was just a ruse, right? an escape, maybe the world can wait. What I didn’t know then, was that the world never waited and that she knew better. She will move on, on a sick leave day or not, whether you were there to see it happen, or sucks that you don’t. Gaia earth said “I gotta go, this planet just cant stop spinning, not even on your account….. sorry 😦 ”
Now that I know it, I chalk it up as Life being unfair… or maybe that’s just plain life…
waiting for your turn, a chance of doing nothing and maybe, just maybe, getting away with it…