All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
As You Like It Act 2, scene 7, 139–143
Well, never was it said that Shakespeare rapped liked Eminem, but I bet at the time when he was making those plays and poetry, people around him treated him like a celebrity. His words roll out like hot music on the billboard top charts. I wonder how women during those days fawn over their star idols? Would they have just collectively shown their overflowing cleavages and strut like peacocks just like what we do today? or would they have just fan themselves frantically with ostrich feathers trailing downwards, from the face to the baby-butt-like cleavage boobies, have their skirts lifted on the backside by their ladies in waiting (so they get cool down there) all the while giving the guy with the continental forehead and pointy moustache the “pouty look”, better yet, lips slightly open with the tip of tongue peeking out and a look that suggests a hundred million ways.
Yup, I’ve always wondered how’s that, how women in those days, when all hot and bothered get the man they want without necessarily being thrown in a brothel? You mean they really have to actually marry them?
Well Shakespeare may have defined man’s lifetime in seven stages, but I want to be clear here, women goes thru the same albeit more confused predicament specially when men enter their lives. It has been said that Snow White’s seven little dwarfs were metaphorical representations of what really f*cked her out.
- Sneezy – she was young, just a beautiful child growing up. Disney got it wrong, she was actually allergic to flowers and sneezed a lot, but it wouldn’t look pretty in the movies if she kept doing that. She can’t have her bottom stained and wet with the monthly red visitor and involuntary incontinence.
- Bashful – she just met Prince Charming, she needed to be coy, it was a lifetime of waiting and there’s something new and different here.
- Dopey and Happy – you really have to be a dope before you can be happy. Love’s a drug, it does us all;
- Sleepy – the results of the dope and happy. You sleep most of the time because you’ve just made a clone thingy growing up inside of you. The living thingy usually ends up looking like you or the slowly unfolding not-becoming-a-prince charming-anymore. It’s good if the baby takes up from both of you, just wish it ain’t looking like the neighbor with continental forehead and pointy moustache. There would be a lot of explaining to do and then you would wish you just burned that ostrich feather fan before anything else. So after nine months you are going to need the:
- Doc – of course, what else would you need in giving birth, but for metaphorical purposes also, when you turn out cute little thingy’s which whine and cry a lot, often wants milk a lot and get sick a lot, Snow white needs to be an off-the-shelf doctor too as part of her role, and finally she’s;
- Grumpy– you’ve got small little thingy’s following you everywhere. One want to suck milk, then after that the stupid poser prince wants his turn too. Then you have to clean house, do laundry, shoot a bird with an arrow to cook for meal because the poser prince got late coming home with so little bacon. Come to think of it, he’s often coming home late nowadays and the bacon are now turning into bits, not enough for the whole bunch of lot who lives in the cottage within the woods.
And so, in the final stages of her married life, Snow White filed for a divorce and went to live a life in the city so she wont be so grumpy anymore and bring home much bigger portions of bacon than the poser prince ever brought home. The little thingys grew up, and she evolved into a hot cougar, which brought her back into living in the woods, this time not singing for prey… nyahahah (evil laugh).
Nahhh… I’m gonna end this differently, I’ve always been a sucker for happy ever after’s. Snow White actually lived a more fulfilling life than she ever did. She learned everything in life was always in stages and that each has its own overflowing point, its Nature’s law, and when you reach that point, you need to cross over to another vessel to experience a different form, a different life, another part of living. It doesn’t have to be near the woods, a city or near the river with wise weeping willows, it’s just how we make it that makes life worth living. Going thru life stages… everybody dies, but not every body lives.
In the original story of Snow White and the seven dwarfs, the seven dwarfs did not have names. On October 31st 1912 the story opened as a Broadway play. It was in this play that they first received names. Those names were:
Now that would be a challenge of making it a metaphorical parallelism of Snow White’s life stages. They sound more like happy bed noises at night to me, probably the reason why there were wild rumours that the seven were actually her lovers 🙂