when you think you deserve better

1408398_girl_with_snowflakeMy friend was gushing over. Apparently the guy she was really into feels the same way she does so she’s going out with him.

Last time I heard, the guy is still married. I sat there listening to her gushing as if she was portraying a scene from Pretty Little Liars. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what’s making me uncomfortable, a middle-aged woman gushing like a high school pompom girl or the news that’s quite common but absolutely new to me.  I just sat there poker faced and kept my reactions to the bare minimum, what are you supposed to say when a friend narrates to you her date as if it was a given that you already know what’s going on.

But I don’t know what’s going on and she is actually telling me everything for the first time. Helloo, girl, I’m shocked,  and I can’t even show it. I know in some points she’s a good person but how do you define being good?

One of the most relative word in the English language is Good and Bad and it seems these virtues will always be subject to interpretation. Did you know that instances of deviance can be “morally acceptable” if dictated  by social definitions?

There’s this recent movie about an adulterous relationship needing permission from the legitimate spouse, hiding in a justification of saving a child, who needs a bone marrow transplant from his parents, who are now ex’s. Mouthful huh? I know, so is the movie, it’s a mouthful of shitties.

Talk about social dictates, movies about extra marital affairs seem to be doing good on the money even if the movie is trashy. What does that tell us? how does that define the Filipino movie going public? Do we translate it to social definitions of “tolerable” values?  I am not going there, that deserves another blog.

Going back to my friend. We were talking about her lovelife over a McDonald’s value meal traded for a coupon  so we’d get a percentage off the price, it was budget wise.  She then declares “Oh, we do that also, trading the coupons.”

This time I let the shock register. “You’re going out with guy as stingy as a mooncake.” A statement with a dramatic pause.

“Well everything is pretty expensive nowadays, you have to be practical you know.”

“Look, a guy is a guy, if he really likes you, he would spend on you. It’s supposed to be one of the ways of treating you special. Not that you’re a golddigger, but it’s one of the many ways of trying to impress you.”

“I don’t need to be  impressed that much. You know what, that’s one of the reasons why you still don’t have a boyfriend, you’re too picky.” She flipped her hair, drew on her Coke float and turned to the nearest table.

“Aint that so right.” I said silently to myself as I followed her, listening to her story for the rest of the evening.

Does it mean if we love complicated desserts we also tolerate complicated relationships?

Why can’t we just have the Coke? or the ice cream? Do we really need to compound the calories on top of another? we love the sugar rush too much we can’t even think straight, that goes the same for relationships.

I don’t know why we keep doing this to ourselves, short-changing ourselves for a short time high, and my friend contents herself with a stingy mooncake guy.

I don’t get it.

I learned the lesson the hard way. It took me sometime to realize that the value extended by people around me would always be directly proportionate to my own sense of self-worth.

I would always want to  be treated special by someone whom I consider as special because I know I am worth it. Isn’t that the way its supposed to be?

For the want of becoming contented we settle for the easiest find, but contentment  does not necessarily means truly being happy, its more on settling. Accepting only what is given is a pathetic form of cowardice.

We should be brave enough to think that we deserve  better so we aim for higher standards, be it in the things we do, or in the relationships we build.

POTC-pirates-of-the-caribbean-33078049-560-297There is no more beautiful woman than the one who exudes her confidence in knowing herself, her weaknesses and strength, as well as the super attractive guy who didn’t just come out of the gym. He’s the one who’s on a life mission, walking straight towards a goal and can’t be waylaid. He’s either rescuing a damsel in distress or trying to make an impossible mission, or commandeer a legendary pirate ship and look for life’s buried treasures, then be goosebumps victorious. It’s all so basic really, movies are cashing in on the time-tested formula.

The great late Steve Jobs once said about life missions and relationships:

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work and the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking, don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it and like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on, so keep looking, DON’T SETTLE.”

Yup, who cares for cheap skate boyfriends anyway?! I can buy my own fries and burger meal without needing to justify any boyfriend who treats me out on a coupon. 😛

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