its like a highlighter pen marking a line paragraph of an indelible memory distinct in your storyline.
It’s a stain in your life fabric, one that never washes out no matter how much we try, how much we want to over lap. It remains so defining, unreconcilable, so much of who you are and what you have become.
Seesaws are basically how I feel about life markers. Looking back, I could remember when I should be happy, yet most of what was marked was a silent wish that my heart would stop, then be surprised when I look down on a tear drenched floor.
There were times that I should be sad, then at the end of the day, be relieved, albeit, tinee tiny glad.
Yet mostly, like the next person beside me, I follow the happy, sad and bleah moments of my life in script parts like the seasons of the sun. Somehow I wonder, if there was not an all powerful supreme God, where did all of this come from? Our coincidences, moments that fell into place woven into the fabric of life, when we finally see how it so fits, makes me awed and humbled.
A friend is celebrating a union, while another is unconsolable.
Continuing complements on births, awards and achievement balances out with condolences on deaths, accidents, health issues or other misfortunes. Everyday is a beginning of an end, or an end of a new beginning.
We never know how this happens, the weaving of the fabric of life, when we need to go through pain just to be strong, or to be taught how to look at life with gratitude, for everyday that we live, and live each day as it comes.
I have been through most of life to know, it is not for another lifetime we should long for, rather we should live for what we have right now, not in mindless pursuit and confusion but in grateful appreciation. I have never thought I would agree more when they say, “Youth is wasted on the young”. When we waste our energies, our strong bodies, our mindless blank brains, walking, running, dancing, drinking through life as if it would never end, but it does.
Then when it comes to that point in time, when we can no longer walk, run, dance or drink, – it was, at the time when we think, inward, when youth has passed away and we say, I wish I did better, or I wish I did more or I wish I didn’t do either.
Yet there is no more fresher motivation for us to push onward than when we thought of life and its end, a final marker that keeps hovering above our conciousness.
Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I have ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything, all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things all fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.
Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know how to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. … Stay hungry. Stay foolish. – Steve jobs, Stanford Commencement exercise, 2005
We go forward and then push some more, not because we are in a race, but because we need to put into the time that’s left the things that needs to be done and say. All the things that matter, our truths, un apologetic, unconditional, naked in hurt, growing in pain, yet… gloriously living in life… however long or short it may be.