On letting children define thier own futures

Albus Dumbledore

I lie on a queen size bed already droopy. If I lay this laptop aside and kid myself on the lamest excuse of “just resting my eyes”, the moment I close them, I’m zoned out.

Beside me is my 20-year-old son. Snoring his nostrils out. Funny, for the longest time my children take turns on who gets to sleep by my side.

I’m the luckiest mother in the world, my children are all grown up. They are on that stage of maturity where their pubic hairs are messing up the toilet drains but all three of them still wrestles for the coveted left side space of mom. I sleep on the right side of my bed so the left becomes the privilege slot at bedtimes.

I haven’t had a partner for the longest time and I’m not about to divulge in public how long. Let’s just say if virginity were like lizards having capability of limb regrowth, I may have been able to regrow mine even if we followed natural laws of evolution. I’m glad it doesn’t happen, I might regrow it too much even peeing wouldn’t be  allowed, now that’s pathetic virginity.

Which gave me my thoughts.

Man is a sucker for higher calls of evolution,  since it is after all dictated in his nature. We need to improve on the species to survive and often our offsprings  become improved versions of us. The apple never falls far from the mango tree… huh? something like that.

In this fulfillment of making our offsprings as many as the sand and in producing improved versions came also our propensity for complicated relationships. We may jump from one bed to another and sometimes results of which is, ta dah! children. We may have wanted them or we may not have but your perspectives during conception is so totally different upon fruition. This is another human being, whatever the reason maybe for his arrival, this is another life.

But we must understand that relationships with our partners are not defined by our roles as a parent. Our children came thru from us, that fact can never be reversed. They are life that was given to us to steward, for our chance to make them better human beings, better than us. It’s the least we can do for them.

Children are here not for us, but for the continuity of life. There should be no other reason. Children should never be used as a bouncing board of marital relationships or even as a holdover on a partner. Our frustrations should not be their dreams and our luggage are not for them to carry. Your children are your contribution to the innate circle of life and we must understand that they are not truly ours, “They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.” (Kahil Gibran).

We must never use our children for any other reason that to bring them to life and teach them how to drive its highway so they could find their own roads and build their own stop signs.

We have no right to make choices for them, rather, arm them with enough courage, heart and family histories to learn from. Believe me, they would keep telling you “Mom, that story is as old as the library of Congress, it’s already catalogued!” or ” I’ll record it so you wont have to repeat,” roll their eyes and give you the most bored look they can invent,  but when they repeat it to other people they most often tell it with pride and own it as a family legend.

There’s a line in Harry Potter as Dumbledore was confronting Cornelius Fudge arguing on the truth of the return of Voldermort, convincing him to send envoys to the Giants –

by the love of the office you hold, Cornelius! You place too much importance, and you always have done, on the so-called purity of blood! You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born with, but what they grow up to be!” Goblet of Fire ch 36 pp 708

No, the future does not belong to the past, family names, histories and accomplishments. Your legacy can only translate into the future when the children you have in your hands knows  how and what they grow up to be.

One comment

  1. Nice blog you are very talented at writing good articles mate.

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